Robin, he don't have a lot But Robin always gives me what he's got And I know him so well I feel like I assembled him myself I'm so glad he's around Robin doesn't ever let me down Patrik was purpose-built He's got swivel, he's got gas lift, he's got tilt If you're tall, if you're short Patrik will always give you his support I'm so glad that he's there Patrik's so much more than just a chair Friends like these won't hurt or tease or kill Like the people in the office always will Chris, his frame is pine He's fibreboard, he's solid and he's mine He's been here so long He's someone I can pin my hopes upon And I'm glad that he's here Chris, I'm glad I bought you from Ikea Friends like these won't hurt or tease or kill Like the people in the office always will They'll push you around They'll trip you up and kick you when you're down If they can, they will destroy The timid and the bashful and the coy And because of this They're nothing like Robin, Pat or Chris Friends like these won't hurt or tease or kill Like the people in the office always will