Defensive, and all about pensive Obsessive, through antithetical thought It says a lot But I didn't deserve the talk I heard what was needed But it's hard to feel that 'Cause it's been repeated By shoes that leave clumps in the grass Alstroemeria blooming through my chest Attenuated fields never get their rest I want it, I need it I told you I shouldn't I see that it's dangerous Self centered conflicted illusively static saccadic eyed addict Dug under subsoil Conniving these stems of sophistry I wanna know what I need I discern it all, a story far from perfect With agricultural verbs and nouns and prefix I'll go away and I'll heed the words The words that only I should say I heard what you said But I know what you mean So I feel what you want to see happen to me Alstroemeria blooming through my chest Attenuated fields never get their rest I deserve much more I deserve much more than this I deserve to say I'm sorry for the things I'm sorry for I deserve to love myself again someday I deserve much more I deserve much more than this I deserve to say I'm sorry for the things that I'm sorry for I deserve to love myself again someday Alstroemeria blooming through my chest Attenuated fields never get their rest I want it, I need it I told you I shouldn't I see that you're dangerous Self centered conflicted illusively static saccadic eyed addict Dug under subsoil Conniving these stems of sophistry I want to know what I need I know what I need I know just what I need You know I'm just afraid I went and shaved my head I stared in the mirror before I went to bed I stumbled down the street at 3AM Cursing every little song that I wrote back then And I'll try for the first time in a fucking year After trying everyday for a fucking year I threw the pills into my mouth And I promise they could know me without all the doubts Like I promised I'd be better back in the spring I also promised myself I'd be happy And I promised myself I'd get what I deserve But now the friends in my life aren't friends I've heard