You know, I wipe really hard
And my toilet paper is weak
Sometimes I break right through and my fingernail is rubbing
Up against my poopy butt-cheek
And I am completely unaware
Of what's goin' on down there
Until I pull my finger out of my butt and I stare at
Poop in my fingernails
Poop in my fingernails
Poop, poop, poop in my fingernails
Poop in my fingernails
Poop in my fingernails
Poop in my fingernails
When the toilet paper breaks
There is nothing left standing in between
Poop and your fingernails
And you're never truly gonna get it completely clean
Poop in my fingernails
Poop in my fingernails
Everytime I try to clean it up I fail
Never ever, ever, ever gonna win
Because the fecal matter is hiding deep down where the nail meets the skin
In my fingernails poop in my fingernails
Tried the clipper, tried the brush
Scrub a dub, scrub a dub-dub
But you're only going to get so much
When the toilet paper breaks
There's nothing left standing in between
Poop and your fingernails
And you're never truly gonna get them completely clean
If you want the cleanliness of your fingernails to improve
Go down to the nail salon and ask them if they'll remove
Every one of your fingernails
I know, I know it might seem extreme
But I'm tellin' you that's the only way that
They're ever gonna be completely clean