And these self portraits
It's got nothing to do with how I look
And most of the images I've taken the world will never see
But it's become a meditative practice
To aid in that self-reflection
Look
The boy wonder grew up wondering if he
Was ever worth it
I'm staring at the shadows of my hits and feeling Burfict
Laughing turned to tearing up, my fears are surely lurking
Put myself to work when half a perc just wasn't working
Past the first and I'm a deviant again I'm paid and flirting
Just chatting at the bar to get a drink I prolly shouldn't sip
Shoulda, coulda dipped but I ain't quitting till I'm to the brim
Void ain't finna get a little closed if I ain't filling it
But really I ain't feeling this
Haven't for a minute
Truly petrified of dealing with
Scrutiny and similarities I could be hearing
I just drank myself to sleep
I'm like my father
Tryna flex, think of what's next and never me
Never looking for apologies, pardons, or petty parlays
I'mma find a vision to finish and end it my way
Though, I see my future closing fast as these chapters I last read
Pray I don't end up in past tense
Yeah
I'm just tryna build something for you
Just tryna get my money right
And I wish that I could feel something for you
But I just wanna make it through the night
If only I could take it back
I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of feeling angry
All the time I done spent in my head
Wishing things were different
All of the worries I had
If only I could take it back
Where do our spirits go for guidance
Where would a solemn soul go to find reminders
Of what used to be
Childhood confusion turned to masterpiece
I'm speaking fractured praying my sentence fragments can catch a beat
They call me talented, I still tend to disagree
Maybe 'cause I know it's true, or maybe I'm in disbelief
'Cause teachers always told me to apply myself
Find a voice
Now I'm spitting writtens fighting demons like I have a choice
I'm paranoid
Petrified of moving forwards
Towards a life that's bare and void
Lord been sending tests and boy
Your soldier's sword
It's fairly worn
It's falling off the bone
If I live to see my prime I'll prolly share that joy alone
Chasing thrones and skipping solitude
I'm trying
Fairly certain I'm gon shine with all these lights around me blinding
And these heights we all been climbing
For the Bean that's for the Thrill
For my team, exhibit will
'Fore you see me in my coffin
Put your threes up to
The hills
I'm just tryna build something for you
I'm just tryna get my money right
And I wish that I could feel something for you
But I just wanna make it through the night
If only I can take it back
I'm tired of fighting
I'm tired of feeling angry
All the time I done spent in my head
Wishing things were different
All of the worries I had, yeah
If only I could take it back
Oh, take
Only I can take it back
I think for better or worse
We conspire with mirrors to keep ourselves blinded
From who we really are