Happy hour belongs to America's best-loved thugs Here come the four-wheel drive prosthetic penises Got your gun racks, tractor tires and lynch mob drivers We couldn't find a chick to sit in the middle So we drink ourselves sick, lean out the windows and pinch ass instead We are the goons of Hazzard Glorified on your TV We run down bikes and hitchhikers And we know we'll get off scot-free We're the vigilante heroes of your tough guy flicks Bashing punks and bums and fags with our baseball bats No deer to blow away in the woods today So we go to Oroville and shoot a black kid down Or waste demonstrators in Greensboro instead We are the goons of Hazzard Glorified on your TV We'll leave you in a pool of blood 'Cause we know we'll get off scot-free Let's get him! C'mere! C'mere! Say something to me? We've got him cornered We've got him cornered Is anybody looking? Does anybody even care? No! The local papers paint us up to be big heroes City fathers and chamber of commerce want us deputized Stoner gestapo keeping your town clean Get a shave kid, we'll pay you as a strikebreaker Maybe you'll be make Tac Squad for the L.A.P.D. We are the goons of Hazzard Glorified on your TV We'll leave you in a pool of blood 'Cause we know we'll get off scot-free Free... Scot-free Scot-free We'll get off... We'll get off... We'll get off scot-free