I'm not gonna be able to go see a doctor for a long time
'Cause I'm ashamed to show the many cuts
That were punctured with a blunt knife
It's easier to deny and lie about the impact
I had a seven year running start, never crossed the line to finish
So when I close my eyes to think about it, I have to be brave
I have to use the muscles around my stomach
To hold my back in place
I feel it starting in the back of my head and shooting down my neck
But I'm not here to fight it
And I'm not here because I like it
I'm not gonna be able to go to your doorstep for a long time
Because you caught me in the first few days
When my intution fell flat
I tried to keep you at arm's lenght, but every look gave me away
Now I keep shutting down at every mention
'Cause it hurts less to escape
I walk slower when my guard is down, letting you keep up the chase
So now I'm here to fight it
'Cause I can't be here unless I like it
We grow up and become
The spitting image of
Who we didn't want to be
Every once in a while I am reminded of that morning
When your spirit felt material and I knew that you was listening
I sat up silently in bed, wondering who'd be next to call
But I had to wait another minute to let everything go
I still feel shocking pains of helplessness
Whenever I'm alone too long
And I didn't leave her, she left me
It's not about blaming, it's about history
Look out, here comes the hostility
We grow up and become
The spitting image of
Who we didn't want to be