He was big for his age, from way out back
Strong as an ox, but thick as a plank
And he couldn't stop wankin' no matter how hard he tried
Well, the truth of the matter he didn't try at all
Kept wankin' away, head bangin' on the wall
Kept Grandad awake, poor bugger, in the room next door
And it wasn't that Grandad didn't mind a wank
But when someone else's wankin's keepin' you awake
Ya just gotta have a man to man, ya just gotta have a talk
So Grandad took him out back to the shed
Then brung in a goat that he'd specially reared
To accommodate teenage boys and dirty old men
And he said, if ya get a good'n, son, ya got it good
If ya get a good'n, you're doin' fine
So hang on to her with both your hands, don't ever let 'er go
'Cause a good'n's gettin' fuckin' hard to find, son
Now the outback really ain't all that big
'Cause word soon spread around about the kid
They called the well-hung young goat-fucker from Kalgoorlie
And when the cops went out to investigate
They caught him red-handed, he was fuckin' that goat
Up to his nuts, chock-a-block, well and truly
And when the coppers tried to drag him off
He just wouldn't let go, he kept hangin' on for life
They were bangin' him with batons but they just couldn't
And he said to the cop there's no need to be nasty
Wait your turn, you impatient bastard
Form a queue behind me, 'cause she's a good'n
And if ya get a good'n, son, ya got it good
If ya get a good'n, you're doin' fine
So hang on to her with both your hands, don't ever let 'er go
'Cause a good'n's gettin' fuckin' hard to find, son
Well, the whole town turned up at court that day
Couldn't fit 'em all in, had to turn some away
Seems everybody in town wanted to be on the jury
Just so they could tell their friends
They were there the day they tried the kid
Known as the well-hung young goat-fucker from Kalgoorlie
And when the judge finally swore the jury in
They brung him up from the cells, and stuck him on the stand
Then read out the charges that they had against him
And when they finished readin' all the charges out,
The jury looked crook and the judge looked down, said
Ya got anything to say for yourself, ya got a reason?
Then the kid looked up at the judge and said
I know none of yous'd ever understand
What it's like living out in the outback on your own
Yeah, and I know me goat ain't a proper woman
But she's got great tits and she kisses good
And fair dinkum, judge, she'd suck the marrow from ya bone
And the judge looked down and said
Yeah I know
'Cause if ya get a good'n, son, ya got it good
If ya get a good'n, you're doin' fine
So hang on to her with both your hands, don't ever let 'er go
'Cause a good'n's gettin' fuckin' hard to find, son
A good'n's gettin' fuckin' hard to find
Case dismissed!
A good'n's gettin' fuckin' hard to find, son