I'm sittin' backstage, shittin' meself, at the Jerry Springer Show
Me missus said she wanted to tell me
Somethin', and she wanted the world to know
While she was out gettin' her make-up
Done, I've stared across the room and seen
This fuckin' A-grade, ten and half and she was starin' back at me
But she was standin' upside down on
Her head, with her legs spread in the air
And the primal urge surged when I
Seen she weren't wearin' any underwear
So I asked her why she's upside down like that,
And did she know she weren't wearin' and knickers?
She said "I'm goin' on the Jerry
Springer show 'cause I do pussy tricks'
What?
'I do pussy tricks'
I do pussy tricks (puss, puss,
Pussy tricks) like stuff you've never seen
Pussy tricks (puss, puss, pussy tricks) and I'm gonna be in TV
And I'll blow smoke rings from a big cigar, just like Monica did
Fair dinkum fuckin' amazin' pussy tricks' ...
Then she told me what her name was, and I told her mine
And she apologised for standin' with her legs
In the air but she was waitin' for her hair to dry
Then she asked would I mind if she practiced
Would I fuckin' mind?
So I shut the door, bolted the latch,
Pulled up a chair and said, "Oh alright"
Then she stood on her head and she said:
"Hey Kev, watch this one, what do you think?"
And I near pole-volted out'a me chair,
That pussy started winkin', like this
That pussy started winkin'
And she done pussy tricks (puss, puss,
Pussy tricks) like stuff I've never seen
Pussy tricks (puss, puss, pussy tricks) pussy winkin' back at me
Then she blew smoke rings from a big cigar, just like Monica did
Fair dinkum fuckin' amazin' pussy tricks ...
Then she asked me to move in closer and she said:
"Hey Kev, watch this"
And I swear as true as I'm standin' here,
That pussy puckered up and blew me a kiss
And what happened next you wouldn't
Believe, and I swear on a stack'a bibles
She grabbed me head between her legs, and
That fuckin' pussy was smilin', like this
Then she begged me to stick a couple'a fingers in
Couple'a fingers fuckin' hell!
My mates aren't gonna believe me,
That cunt could whistle as well, fuckin' hell
That cunt could whistle as well!
And she done pussy tricks (puss, puss,
Pussy tricks) first it winked at me like this
Pussy tricks (puss, puss, pussy tricks) puckered up and blew me a kiss
Then she combed her hair like Elvis,
And she twitched her upper lip like this
Fair dinkum fuckin' amazin' pussy tricks
Fair dinkum fuckin' amazin' pussy tricks
("Thank you, thank you very much")
Fair dinkum fukin' amazin' pussy tricks