I don't think I'm even good enough
I should quit while I'm behind
I feel like I'm biting aluminum
They're saying, "What's happened to Kai?"
They're telling me, "Don't ever take a break"
They tell me, "You win or you die"
They tell me not winning is my only sin and
To give into sin is to piss in the mind
Yeah, I'm not addicted to liquor
Put the glass down, you could pass out, yeah
But if me winning was served with a lemon
Throw the cap out, I would blackout, yeah
I gotta keep winning to cover my limits
And forget the trauma I've been in
If I'm not on top, I can feel it
The proof that I'm nothing, I'm no one, I'm finished
I've gotta get up
I need validation and love
I need a whole nation of love
I gotta make up for the vacancy of it
I don't see my pain in the face of the public
So look at me, follow me, I'm gonna covet it
Help me forget I forgot how to love me
I need me a hit of anonymous loving
To feel for a minute that I'm more than nothing to you
Yeah, ooh, I got something to prove
Soon as I step in the booth
This is me fighting abuse
This is me wanting to use
Yeah, who needs the vodka? I got your attention
I see tequila dripping from the comment section
And blunt smoke in every like and mention
I got some new drugs
I can feel good when the views come
I'm checking my phone to consume some
Of that crack, that double tap that, I'm a user
And I'm used to, yeah, looking outside of myself, yeah
Tryna find my worth in the eyes of someone else
Yeah, if I don't win, I'm scum, yeah
If I'm number one, yeah, no, that's not enough
If I don't love my own self
I've gotta unlearn being concerned about all this
Ain't nobody on earth is flawless
I don't wanna seek applause, it's
Outside of me, it ain't mine
I wanna feel better, no fear in the mind
No beer in the hand, envy in the eye
Or anything but, thank God, I'm alive
And thank God I'm alive
Drunk driving at night with a mind full of self-hate
Another night, 'nother midnight milkshake
Another fight with the hell my self made, like damn
How many cuts are by my hands?
How much poison's from my soul?
What bad luck is just the man?
Like how much of me is trapped by "I am"
Which of my demons came from my damage?
What enemies came from my land?
How much of what I can't do is what I won't do
And what I blame it on is how I cope through it
And what I'm hating on is how I show you
It's like I've had a war inside of myself
Like I opened up a door when I was like twelve
And then every morning forward, no matter my health
I would wake up in the mud and I'm done with it
Waking up like, wow, this again?
This face, this town I'm living in, sinning in
I wanna live, I wanna finally get some new drugs
Like give me that fanny pack and that food truck
And maybe I'm stuck with just one chick, my Medusa
I wanna see the sunset as a gift, hallelujah
And I got two bucks to my name, so what I'm a new Buddha
I wanna feel calm in the jaws of a barracuda
Laying in my blood and I still got love for my shooter
Rewind everybody, we're the same, unmade, no doula
Look at everything you want and hate and face your ruler