I don't care when I die that I won't be canonized
All that really matters is what I look through my mother's eyes.
I hope I'm not alive when you hear this,
But baby don't worry, it scares me too, I mean it.
I've been having such a hard time coping with my failures,
I feel so defeated, lost purpose and meaning,
I'd stop if I could if it'd slow down my breathing.
I haven't felt good about myself in a while,
Tried to compare my life with the stories in your bible
To see if I could be holier, less lonelier,
But talks about doing good never made me feel
Like a saint, it only made me feel like a coward a fake.
I'm not afraid of not being remembered,
I'm more afraid of not enjoying the time
I have remaining.
Every single feeling that I've felt has been felt before,
And the only thing I feel is fear, never less, nevermore.
What scares me the most is that I'm still young,
You're burning so bright, there's more things to come,
But I don't hear Calvary calling your name,
Apostles in bottles, come on, keep me safe.
I don't deserve a second chance
I choked too many times
I'm surprised I'm not dead.
I shouldn't be called your family
I'm guilty for trying I just wanted
To belong, to feel loved
For someone to give a fuck.
It's been too long since I've
Gotten some help.
What the fuck's point of living
If I can't be myself?
I should just get over it all
I'm nothing special.
It's all gone, tell Calvary to hold on
I'm coming soon.
But I care what you think about me,
Say nice things about me,
Say something, you love me, please.
Speak good at my funeral
Cause even if I'm dead
I'll still live for your approval.