We're in a nice family restaurant Somebody's grandma's choking On a lamb chop There's panic in the air As Nana's face turns blue The busboy screams in Spanish "What the fuck do we do?" We need a hero Who's gonna do it We need a hero To clean out her windpipe We need a hero Who's down with Heimlich We need a hero To save the day, yeah So I slap my napkin down on the table And I get a fucking standing ovation Another guy gets up And says he's a doctor I say "Sit the fuck down I got this shit" Then I wrap my arms Around Grandma's chest And I look her grandkids Deep in the eyes Then right away Then right away I break all her ribs Because I don't know what I'm doing Grandma!