Two weeks all she's had for lunch
Is diet pills and Captain Crunch
Eyes lined like Tammy Faye Bakker
Cut her hair off with a razor
She's wearing her wedding dress
And God only knows what comes next
Call the sheriff, call a shrink
She's on quicksand, 'bout to sink
You got around and it got around
Now your woman's on the verge of a nervous breakdown
Yards of rope up in the attic
Grandpa's loaded automatic
Liquid Drano, Clorox bleach
And Ginsu knives all within reach
She swears she won't hurt herself
But she met her somebody else
Call the sheriff, call a shrink
She's on quicksand, 'bout to sink
You got around and it got around
Now your woman's on the verge of a nervous breakdown
Did your laundry, cooked your dinner
Never saw the crazy in her
But we're all one heartbreak away
From temporarily insane
Call the sheriff, call a shrink
She's on quicksand, 'bout to sink
You got around and it got around
The crazy train is coming to town
You better have her high ground
Your woman's on the verge of a nervous breakdown