"I love unconditionally, I'm just too mortified", they howl
Why was I never good enough?
And why am I how
Just keep up the illusion
And post a picture on the internet
Of our brand-new bathroom mirror
Before you bashed my face right into it
The alluded love isn't worth
The time you daydream being part of the earth
Nightmares, triple texts, read receipts and lies
Lobotomies, breadcrumbs and no replies
At least I recycled the doubt with both my hands
You duly noted how I'm always mapping out my exit plan
I wanna run around in circles
I wanna feel something again
The world has bigger houses and circles of friends
But all I dwell on is how I'm not in them
Prelapsarian paradise
Gets spoiled right before your eyes
You fall on one knee, then on deaf ears
The ghost of you just reappears
Twenty miles out of town, my brain starts to shut down
Juul pods and coffee just to stay awake now
Attempt to stir up a conversation
Where no one brings up medication
Dear diary
I'm bumming myself out
By writing every excruciating detail down
The suns burning into nothing
While I make blueberry muffins
I don't wanna get on twitter at all today
Fuck what Donald Trump or Kanye West have got to say
Three wishes, use them all to make me go away
Or I'll just get really ripped and wish for another plague
Flickering there behind the blinds
All of our lights as time unwinds
Like it will when there's no breath in my lungs
When my fire burns out and this fades to a hum
Chose tails every time
But the quarter had heads on both its sides
No one ever really wins in life, it's wild
Except for billionaire pedophiles
No reason for the goodbyes
Fell apart for lifetimes
Nicotine nightmares, heaven is under
Braced yourself for the lightning
Then shook at the thunder
Sometimes when I find the right words
The chills I don't think I deserve
Are already spreading like a virus
How did I make myself feel like this?
Calcification's killing me
Slowly but not as slow as I would like death to be
I've got too much shit to do
So, I can't die today
And that's a shame