"Do you feel something?
Something, tingling, in your stomach? No?"
"No, but I appreciate the prayer."
And I meant that,
I really did.
It was a kind gesture,
An expression of sympathy and I believe in God and all but
Did she really expect something to change right then?
Abra-Cadabra-Amen be healed on the spot
My God what is wrong with this girl?
What a fool.
What a fool to think my pain would (snap) disappear.
What a fool to think her prayers were any different
Than the dozens, hundreds, thousands of faithful saints who've
Laid hands on me and rebuked
This disease IN THE NAME OF JESUS!
What a fool.
What a fool to pray with expectation,
Like she actually thought God would hear, and respond.
It's these kind of Christians that make us all look crazy.
You know, the ones with faith,
Too much faith.
The ones convinced that God grants supernatural power.
The ones who look like fools for
Christ and don't mind what anyone thinks.
The ones whose prayers go unanswered yet they keep praying
Keep hoping
Keep asking
"Do you feel?"
The ones who feel.
The ones who know God with more than their mind,
The ones who don't waste time picking fights with atheists
But go to war on their knees.
The ones who lean not on their own understanding.
The ones who serves a God that doesn't bow to human rational,
But uses the fool to shame the wise,
The weak to shame the strong,
Those who are not to bring to nothing those who are,
And how far I have come.
After four years of theological training,
Constant reading to appease my philosophical cravings
My thoughts about God are, intelligent.
My belief is a kind unbelievers can respect,
Not the ignorance of... simple... faith.
Not the type to get you mocked,
Persecuted,
Crucified.
My religion is safe.
And I wonder, how I got so lost.
And I wonder, who's the fool after all,
The one who prays, the one who waits,
The one who dies believing God is on his way,
Or the one who prays, never expecting him to come?