On a white enamled road
They pulled him from his mother's womb
Hanging from his heels he cried
And everyone put on their smiles
Ugly red, and dripping wet
They put him in a bassinet
Tiny toes and fingernails
His daddy said "He'll go to Yale"
Such was the first day for Fred
When he reached the age of nine
He killed a frog with a kitchen knife
He broke the wing of a noble bird
He took a jagged rock, his sling-shot hurled
When he reached ten
He stole the neighbor's guinea hen
Wrapped its beak in masking tape
It starved to death in thirteen days
Such was the tenth year of Fred
When Fred was sweet sixteen
He robbed the neighborhood Dairy Queen
He drove away in his daddy's car
He didn't get far
The local buzz hauled him away
He went to trial the very next day
Found guilty, the sixteenth year for Fred
And his daddy cried
"Oh Fred, Fred, where'd we go wrong?"
"We used to buy you things, I though we got along"
"Though, Fred, Fred, you been livin' a life of sin"
"Tell me Fred, what are we gonna tell our friends?"
When Fred was twenty one
He was well prepared for things to come
He' learned to kill, hate and steal
Now uncle Sam offers better deals
We need good men like you, my boy
To throw grenades and bang young boys
It takes aggression and the will of steal
And mainly we got a bullet to fill
And off to fight went soldier Fred
When Fred was Thirty-two
He was covered with medals all red and blue
He killed twelve men in eleven years
Well, never once did he shed a tear
Now Fred was a-coming home
Discharged with a broken bone
Climbed the board he has claimed at night
And roared all thinking the clear blue sky
And that's where claims always slide
Fred found a seat in row number two
He sat himself and loosened his boots
Along came a problem with long and short hair
And said "Hey man, you sat on my chair"
Fred got up, and hit the poor man
Forgot about the cast he had on his hand
He killed him dead in one clean blow
It didn't bother Fred too much though
Such was homecoming for Fred
And his daddy cried
And his daddy cried
"Oh Fred, Fred, where'd we go wrong?"
"We used to buy you things, I though we got along"
"Though, Fred, Fred, you been livin' a life of sin"
"Tell me Fred, what are we gonna tell our friends?"