I hate to say it but I'm back on my old shit
Curled up, drinking wine in my basement
Hiding out buried in stress
And avoiding everybody that I've ever met
And that means you too
There's no exception when I'm in this mood
I only build to blow it up
Now watch me self destruct
I found a dark hole, gotta climb out
Find a foot hold and some steady ground
See your silhouette through the kitchen clouds
In the back beat when you're not around
I heard it all crawling through the grape vine
You're happy with yours
I'm happy with mine
I'm not mad this ended
I'm just sad
I think I lost my best friend
And I'll admit that I miss my old demons
Crying on the floor, six drinks in
Avoiding hope in the exorcism
I'm more productive when I give in
They won't admit to the paradigm
Or how they love it when we cry
Low key encouraging the end times
(Why?)
We love an artist that wants to die
(Oh my God, did she say that?)
(That's like, so fucking cringe)
(Oh my God, I think she did - Is she okay?)
It's still a dark hole, and I need out
No sunlight, just the darkest clouds
So strong that my head feels heavy now
Always waiting
Always weighing down
I'm playing back memories in real time
It doesn't look like me
Or my life
Have you ever felt all the good shift
And realized you ruined it?
You ruined it
You ruined, cause you ruin
So here's a shout out to everyone that lived through 2020
When half our friends? They didn't make it
Hope was smaller than the body
Counting down the days 'til we could be in the same place
Yet when that moment came I only hid myself further away
But fuck you to the people who said that I "missed my moment"
In 2021 I took my story back and someone stole it
I'd rather be a self proclaimed suicide queen than
A victim who's stuck in between again
On a platform, only trying to get better
When they called me a "survivor" I never felt like surviving
And it always felt fraudulent
And it always felt confusing
My favorite part of the plan has always been the end
My favorite of the plan is ruining it
My favorite part of the plan is ruined.