Ave Maria! It's So Heavenly To Be A
Member Of A Group That's Puttin' On A Show!
It's Great
Although It Is A Difficult Transition
For We Started Off As Missionaries
Which, Of Course Is Obviously
Much More Apropos.
But Their Mission Got In Trouble
And That Burst Their Holy Bubble
We Were Caught In Am Imbroglio,
And We Finally Had To Go.
So We Hope You'll Understand
If We're Not Absolutely Grand
For We Feel A Little Queasy
We're Uneasy In This Show
Let Me Start From The Beginning. Now Pay
Attention! We're Going To Give You The History Of Our
Order And You're Going To Be Quizzed On It Afterward.
Filled With Great Anxiety
Sister Hubert Sailed With Me
And Sister Robert Anne
To A Land Of Unknown Circumstance
We Reached Our Destination
With A Bit Of Trepidation
For We'd Come To Oreder Lepers
Back To Work In Southern France.
No!
No!
No!
No!
Oh, No! That's Not Right! We'd Come To
Join An Order Working With Lepers On An Island South Of
France. That's It!
Each Of Us, As Best We Could,
Cut A Tree And Chopped Some Wood
Which Then Was Used In Building
Humble Huts For Quarantine.
When Sister Mark Yvonne
Had Finished Up The Porta-John,
We All Sat Down And Waited
For The First Of Those Unclean.
And They Came From Everywhere!
There Were Hottentots With Rotten Tots
In Baskets On Each Mother's Head.
And Zulus, Then Concluded
Never Understood A Thing They Said
Ubangis Who Were Gainging Up
On Natives Who Were Being Fed
And Swazi Who Were Goosing
All The Bushmen In The Line Aghead
It Was Dreadful!
The Pygmies Had Their Noses
Stuck In Everybody's Business
While Watusis Had Their Business
Stuck In Everybody's Nose.
But The Truth Of The Matter,
If You Really Want To Know,
Was That Everybody's Business
Was About To Decompose.
Hubert, Robert Anne, And I
Are Lucky That We're Still Alive
For Sisters Went To Pieces
At A Devastating Rate.
When A Novice Spilled Her Food,
At First, We Thought Her Rather Crude
Till We Realized Her Hand
Was On The Floor With Her Fork And Her Plate!
Wait!
The Protestants, It Seems
Had Set Out To Wreck Our Dreams.
We Had Humble Huts
While They Built Leper Condos-By-The-Sea.
Competing For Each Leper
Put Our Mission Work In Jeopardy
So We Devised A Plan
To Avoid Catastrophe
We Challenged Them To Race
Cause We Thought We'd Trump Their Ace
In The Hundred Meter Dash
When We Entered Sister Rose.
But As She Was Victory-Bound
Her Schnoz Fell On The Ground.
If It Hadn't Fallen Off
She'd Have Won It By A Nose!
Poor Rose!
Oooohhhhhh... Bummer!
Hubert, Robert Anne, And I
Had Managed Once More To Survive
But This Time We Knew
We Were In A Truly Hopeless Spot.
So We Packed Up What Was Left,
Feeling Totally Bereft,
And Got Out While The Going
Was Still Able To Be Got.
We Came Back Home To Hoboken
But With Spirits So Broken
No One Really Knew
If We'd Pull Through.
Then Reverend Mother Prayed
There Would Be A New Crusade.
And We Were Doing Great
Till Sister Julia Made That Stew!
Mon Dieu!
Ave Maria, It's So Heavenly To Be A
Mother!
Sister!
Sister!
Making A Debut In Front Of You.
It's A Difficult Transition
For The Missioner's Position
Was Up Till Now The Only One We Knew,
It's Sad But True.
So We Hope You'll Understand
If We're Not Absolutely Grand.
To See That Your Impressed
We Hope We'll Pass The Test.
Now The Rest Is Up To You! Amen!