Gray city, 2016
Night bus home, N19
Chain link, rain, and concrete
Lashing out and falling
Picking quarters up off the hardwood
Sky train, Joyce-Collingwood
Losing, floating, knowing
Stopping pain from showing
Hell to me in the moment
Scream internally, soul exits me
Through all the lines I write in basements far away
If I can purge this broken hurt in haunted words
Will it surround me?
And like the city nights, just drift away?
I couldn't figure it out
I couldn't fix it by myself
I couldn't do it alone
I couldn't figure it out
I couldn't fix it by myself
Everyone else seems so strong and
I tried to offer up my pain to be understood
But I don't think it's my pain that can be understood
Or needs understanding
There's not a lot of pain in the world that makes any sense
I wonder where all this pain comes from, and this evil is?
And where it lives?
Future wide open but defined as broken
Every achievement, hoping, wishing, aching, never knowing
The pain I write about so I don't fucking die
Interpreted as everything I've got to offer in this life (no, no, no!)
(Fuck no!)
Time is a circle
Forever hurtful
No hesitation
Nostalgia or ideation
I couldn't figure it out
I couldn't do it alone
I couldn't fix it by myself
Everyone else seems so strong
I tried to offer up my pain to be understood
But I don't think it's my pain that can be understood
Or needs understanding
There's not a lot of pain in the world that makes any sense
Maybe people need to be understood instead
I tried to understand why it happened like that
But it just made my soul break down
(Break down and)
I didn't want things to go like that
For a while I was confused, but now I think I understand