Couple of guys sittin' around drinkin' down at the Starlight Bar One of 'em says, you know I been thinkin'— Other one says that won't get you too far He says this is your life and welcome to it— It's just workin' and drinkin' and dreams Ad on the TV says "Just do it"— Hell if I know what that means... The secret of life is a good cup of coffee The secret of life is keep your eye on the ball The secret of life is a beautiful woman And Marilyn stares down from the barroom wall... You and me, we're just a couple of zeroes— Just a couple of down-and-outs But movie stars and football heroes— What've they got to be unhappy about? So they turn to the bartender, "Sam what do you think— What's the key that unlocks that door?" Sam don't say nothin', he just wipes down the bar And he pours 'em a couple more Cause the secret of life is in Sam's martinis The secret of life is in Marilyn's eyes The secret of life is in Monday night football And Rolling Stones records and Mom's apple pies Sam looks up from his Sunday paper— He says boys you're on the wrong track The secret of life is there ain't no secret And you don't get your money back The secret of life is gettin' up early The secret of life is stayin' up late The secret of life is try not to hurry But don't wait, don't wait... The secret of life is a good cup of coffee The secret of life is keep your eye on the ball The secret of life is to find the right woman The secret of life is nothin' at all