My name it is John Sawdenburg,
It suits me very well.
At school they called me Puddles.
Now that really hurt like hell.
I had the weakest bladder
That you'll ever likely see.
Just the juicy orangerapples
All it took to make me pee.
Well me trousers are always soaking
Memories of me rivers running
On the classroom floor.
And my teacher weigh her bucket
With her plastic litter bin
That she used to place beside me
Went the morning milk can in.
I went to see a doctor
When I've known since I was born.
To wear, just like a sporn.
It seemed to be the answer,
Hanging down tight up me string.
'Till a bumblebee crawled up me leg
And burst the bloody thing.
Well me trousers are always soaking
Memories of me rivers
Running on the classroom floor.
And my teacher weigh her bucket
With her plastic litter bin
That she used to place beside me
Went the morning milk can in.
My mother had her problems too,
Each night as I lay down
So a rubber hose was bought for me,
Shopping in the town
It was fitted to me willy,
And the water when it ran,
Cross the bedroom, through the hallway,
To the toilet, down the pan.
Well me trousers are always soaking
Memories of me rivers
Running on the classroom floor.
And my teacher weigh her bucket
With her plastic litter bin
That she used to place beside me
Went the morning milk can in.
We'll have to amputate it
Came the hospital report.
We've tried a hundred different ways,
This is the last resort.
The operation simple,
We'll snip it off with shears,
But it wasn't quite successful,
Cause it now runs into me ears.
Well me trousers are always soaking
Memories of me rivers
Running on the classroom floor.
And my teacher weigh her bucket
With her plastic litter bin
That she used to place beside me
Went the morning milk can in.