Thank you very much
Sit down and have a good time
Alright
It's audience participation time again, ladies and gentlemen
This time it'd be wonderful if you would sing along
Here's how it goes
Eat shit
Now look here
No, I didn't mean it, really
Now look
Cancel that for television, he-he
Alright
The name of this song is "Dickie's Such An Asshole"
And cancel that for television too
And here's how, here's how the ending goes, and you can sing along, it goes
Dickie's such an asshole
Sincerely, Dick, we mean it
Wee-ooh
Alright
You don't need to practice that, you know, I'm sure you got the lick down just like El Monte
I'll show you where it comes
It's right at the end of the song, just where all those endings belong
Here's a tune
Hey
Good Lord, we're so professional
One and one is 11
Two and two is 22
Won't somebody kindly tell me
What the government's tryin' to do
Dickie's just too tricky
For a chump like me to use
Well, you'd take that subcommittee serious, boy
You might get a seizure from the evenin' news
Well, yeah, yeah
Millions and millions of dollars
Much as he might need
He could open up a chain of motels, people
On the highway, yes indeed
Quadrophonic desperation
You know, there'd be a cable all under your bed
Well, if you just might break some wind in your slumber
The FBI is gonna get your number
Gonna get you, gonna get you
Gonna jump up the subcommittee and get you
Gonna get your number (the FBI)
Gonna get your number (the FBI)
Gonna get your number (the FBI)
Gonna get your number (the FBI)
Done got your number (the FBI)
Done got your number (the FBI)
Gonna get your number (the FBI)
Gonna get your number
Gonna get your number
Gonna get your number
Tryin' not to worry, tryin' not to care
But you know, I get delighted
When some microphone's not there
Can't have no private conversations
Nowhere in the USA
Can't wait 'til the rest of the people all over the world
Find out that their government is just the same old way, every day
Well, let me tell you one thing right now
Let me tell you one thing right here
Let me make this perfectly clear
Let me tell you 'bout this right here
You know you put me in office
So you must have wanted me in office
I've did no harm, I've did you no harm
You know I'm not a crook, you know I'm innocent
I had 25 tapes, I only have ten
I don't know what happened to the rest
Musta gave 'em to a friend
Bebe, somebody
Ronald, somebody
Who was it?
Who?
Man, oh no
Oh Lord, it's gonna get ya
Oh Lord, it's gonna get ya
Good Lord, it's gonna get ya
You'd better get down and pray
Good Lord, it's gonna get ya
Good Lord, it's gonna get ya
Good Lord, it's gonna get ya
You'd better get down and pray
Good Lord, it's gonna get ya
You'd better pray
Oh Lord, oh Lord, oh Lord
Whoa-yeah
Whoa
Listen here, mister, mister Dickie
Whoa
You cheated, you lied
You said you'd lower our taxes
You cheated, you know you lied
You said you'd end the war, oh
We know you're not a crook
We know you're not a crook
All we wanna say is one more thing now
The gangster stepped right up
Kissed him on the lip goodbye
Made him a cocksucker by proxy, yes he did
And he didn't even bat an eye
The man in the White House, oh
He's got a conscience, oh
Got a conscience as black as sin
There's just one thing I wanna know
How'd that asshole ever manage to get in?
Here it comes, ladies and gentlemen, sing right along
Dickie's such an asshole
Sincerely, Dick, we mean it
Wee-ooh
Thank you very much and good night