Jim once had a girl
Or should we say, she once had he
She showed him her room
Isn't it swell? Texas Motel
♪
She asked him to stay and she told him to sit anywhere
So Jim looked around and he noticed there wasn't a prayer
Jim sat on a rug biding his time
Pounding his pud
He prayed until two
And then she said, "How 'bout some head?"
♪
She said she was booked in the morning with Falwell and Pat
Jim told her he wasn't, and dribbled some spoo in her lap
And when he awoke, he was alone
She honed his cone
So he let her fly
Isn't it swell? Texas Motel (everybody)
La, la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
La, la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
♪
Picture yourself with a whore from New Orleans
With big purple welts all over her bod
Somebody calls, you answer quite slowly
It's the board from Assembly O' God
Ignorant crackers like you've never seen
Groveling under your bed
Search for the girl with the spoo in her lap
And she's gone
Louisiana hooker with herpes
Louisiana hooker with herpes
Louisiana hooker with herpes
Owwww!
We saw her go down to a room near the airport
Where swagger gets off watching pornography
Everyone smiles as we tread through his horseshit
That grows so incredibly high
Newspaper writers appear at his door
Waiting to take Jim away
He climbs in the back with his head up his ass
And he's gone
Louisiana hooker with herpes (everybody!)
Louisiana hooker with herpes
Louisiana hooker with herpes
Owwww!
Picture yourself on your own TV station
With brain-dead supporters with tears in their eyes
Suddenly someone is there at commercial
The girl with the pee-hole surprise
Louisiana hooker with herpes (that's Texas singin')
Louisiana hooker with herpes (I can't hear you)
Louisiana hooker with herpes
Owwww! Ow! (one more time)
Louisiana hooker with herpes
Louisiana hooker with herpes
Louisiana hooker with herpes
Owwww! Ow!
"Suddenly the evil swagger looks at the hooker and says"
♪
Let me take you down
'Cause we're going to the Texas Motel
Don't mind the smell
It's nothing to get hung about
Please leave your cash on the table
Weeping looks better with eyes closed
While I'm confessing all my sins (I've sinned, I tell ya!)
It's getting hard to plook someone, but it all works out
It's all pornography to Jim
Let me take you down
'Cause we're going to the Texas Motel
We might go to hell
But we'll have lots of company
Falwell and Pat and that weasel
♪
No one knows who's in my dream
I mean it must be high or low
That is, I can't, you know, tune in, but it's alright
That is, I think it's not too bad
Let me take you down
'Cause we're going to the Texas Motel
Don't mind the smell
It's just some jizz from Jimmy-boy
How 'bout some hay for the donkey? (hee-haw)
No one knows, sometimes think it's me (Ed Meese, ladies & gentlemen)
But you know, I know when I don't know
I think I know, I mean, I guess, but it's all wrong (and we believe him)
That is, I think I disagree
Let me take you down
'Cause we're going to the Texas Motel
Don't mind the smell
It's just some old pornography
Just keep on strokin' that sausage
Just keep on strokin' that sausage, Jimmy-boy!
Just keep on strokin' that sausage