When I was young and just a bad little kid
My momma noticed funny things I did
Like shootin' puppies with a B B gun
I'd poison guppies, and when I was done
I'd find a pussy cat and bash its head
That's when my momma said
(What did she say?)
She said "My boy, I think someday
You'll find a way to make your natural tendencies pay"
You'll be a dentist
You have a talent for causing things pain
Son, be a dentist
People will pay you to be inhumane
Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood
And teaching would suit you still less
Son, be a dentist you'll be a success
Here he is folks, the leader of the plaque!
Watch him suck up that gas, oh my God
He is a dentist and he'll never ever be any good
Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis De Sade?
Oh, that hurts, wait, I'm not numb
Ehh, shut up, open wide, here I come
I am your dentist
And I enjoy the career that I picked
I am your dentist
And I get off on the pain I inflict
I thrill when I drill a bicuspid
It's swell, though they tell me I'm maladjusted
And though it may 'cause my patients distress
Somewhere, somewhere in heaven above me
I know that my momma's proud of me
Oh, momma
'Cause I'm a dentist and a success
Say aah
(Ahh)
Say aah
(Ahh)
Say ahh
(Ahh)
Now spit