If it wasn't for the liquor and the weed
You never would have made it through the winter,
Developed a habit of washing your hands
To the point that your fingers would bleed
"What's your name?"
"Hey I'm Patsy"
"Are you Irish?"
"No, I'm Frankenstein"
Here's to the best of the backseaters,
I was a real Tina Turner in my time,
I was a real Tina Turner in my time,
A real Tina Turner in my mind,
But I was blind.
I was a real Tina Turner in my mind.
I condensed my whole life into a gym bag
That was stolen tonight from your car.
My wallet, my keys, my shoes and photos,
They even took my voter registration card.
Put my mouth into a smile and let my heart drive,
Buy some new used clothes and I'll be fine.
Here's to the crooks who took my old life
I was a real Tina Turner in those times,
I was a real Tina Turner in those times.
A real Tina Turner in my mind,
But I was blind.
I was a real Tina Turner in my mind.
I remember New Orleans in the 60s,
When you could park anywhere.
Clotheslines strung up along Decatur,
Prostitutes and sailors everywhere.
But the times have changed and they've cleaned up the Quarter,
Made it more friendly for the tourists.
Here's to the last of the soul shake swingers,
All the real Tina Turners of the time,
All the real Tina Turners of the time,
The real Tina Turners in my mind,
The genuine.
All the real Tina Turners of the time.
What are you doing after work?
I believe I'll be going down to Molly's.
If you don't find me there slumped on the bar,
You can catch me at Checkpoint Charlie's.
Old Jim Smith's doing an open mic show,
I'll play you some songs if you go.
Here's to sneaky Pete, he's always in the pocket
He's a real Tina Turner of our time.
He's a real Tina Turner of our time,
A real Tina Turner in my mind.
Genuine.
He's a real Tina Turner of the time.