I was coming home pretty late one night
Singing a song and about half-tide
I was young, my friend, and I'd had me a pretty good date
I was fiddling around with the front door key
When a weird looking fellow stepped up to me and said
"Tell me, buddy, if this ain't the Watergate"
I said it was and with a grin on his face
He said "I've always wanted to see this place
I hear it's just the nicest place in town
And me and my friends are dying to see
If it's all that it's cracked up to be"
So I said, "Well come on in and I'll show you around"
Well they seemed to love my guided tour
Till we stopped outside of a certain door
And one of my newfound friends said "looky here"
It's the Democratic office if I ain't wrong
They help to keep our country strong
And he blinked his eye to hold back a heartfelt tear
He looked kinda shy and he shuffled his feet
And said "No tour would be complete
If we didn't go in a have a look around
I don't know how, but the door swung wide
And we were all sneaking inside
And laughin' and gigglin' and trying not to make a sound
We all split up and I was on my own
A couple of the boys were playing 'round with the phones
And I saw somebody, he was fiddling at a bigshot's desk
They were opening draws; going through files
It made me happy just to see their smiles
Till somebody new said "Hold it; you're under arrest"
It took all night to make my bail
And as I left the DC jail
A man stepped out of a long black limousine
He said "Get in son and if you do
We're gonna take good care of you"
And he flashed the biggest roll of bills I'd ever seen
He said "Get in son and if you do
We're gonna take good care of you
Hey, we're going to stick with you through think and thin
He drove through traffic like a scalded bird
Throwing money out the window to the common herd
He pulled up to the White House door and walked right in
Well, gosh, I couldn't believe my luck
This fellow says I can call him Chuck
He says I'm to stick with him wherever he went
I took off my hat to make a vow
And he said there wasn't any time for that now
He opened the door and there stood the President
I started shaking around the knees
But he threw me a football to put me at ease
I threw it back, and he threw it back again
A tape recorder was playing real loud
The sound of a cheering football crowd
Then he turned it off, took off his helmet, and said "amen"
He smiled at me and he said "Bob
Has told me you're doing a real fine job
And I want to put and end to all your fears
You've got some friends and that's worth knowing
When the going gets tough the tough get going
And we'll stick with you if they put you away for years
I said it made me feel so proud
Just to hang around with this great crowd
With John and Bob and Mitch and all the rest
And even though no jail was fun
I knew that justice would be done
They laughed so hard the tears rolled down their chests
Oh ain't it great what friends can do?
They say I'll be out in a year or two
And they'll get me a real nice job that pays real well
They've taught some useful things to me
And now that I'm going on TV
They taught me how to smile and lie like hell