Now there once was a young man, and he came to the big city Seeking a lucrative position commensurate with his talents And he walked the streets all day and he couldn't find a job Till at last he secured employment working in a Stone quarry with all the other college graduates And one evening after work, they lured him into a saloon And they urged him to drink a glass of beer But he said he wouldn't do it for he'd made a promise to his mother That he'd never touch a glass containing an alcoholic beverage Well, they laughed and they jeered, they called him a coward Till at last he raised and drained the fatal glass And when he'd seen what he had done, He dashed the glass against the bar And rushed from the saloon with a terrible case of delirium tremens And the first one that he saw was a Salvation Army lady And with one kick he broke her tambourine While all she said was "Heaven bless You", and placed a mark upon his brow With a kick she had learned before she was saved So the moral of this story is to shun the fatal glass And don't go around kicking other people's tambourines