You take the stage, you're at your best They've hushed the stalls at your behest You start your act, you sing your songs The house is packed, they sing along You seem, they say, so very gay The vaudevillian, one in a million The girls you've loved, the times you've known The wars you lost, that old trombone And now the lines that crease your face Are wet with tears and hot with grease You know your lines, but God knows what they are The vaudevillian, one in a million You're out of date, they've changed the styles They love to hate, they hate to smile They start to stamp, they start to boo You're some old man, they don't know who You've lost your shape, you've lost your "you" The vaudevillian, one in a million A coffin now appears, it's very strange They've put it here up on the stage They push you in, the trim is plush It's very grim, away you're rushed And some lament while others disinfect The vaudevillian And now you take a little nap And when you wake the stars are black And God is dead and there's this smell And you're not feeling very well It seems you're dead, oh bloody hell! The vaudevillian, one in a million