Put this man on a stand Just play him to the punters With a bloody great big card marked "before". I'm not getting out of here I'm not getting out even if I have to Even if it's all I can do. This is the reason I stopped going to the pictures This is the last thing that I thought could ever happen I want off this case I want off this case But I know my place By the way I like your face Chorus: I've had a thing about Shirley Maclaine since I was so high Yeah I've had a thing about Shirley Maclaine since I was so high Some of my life's like Nosferatu Where the German guys go Ahhhh It's not like love and it isn't like sex And it's going to be that way for always Map of africa hour therapist's field-day Batten down the hatches there's a fire in the engine room Let's not do that let's not talk about it I don't read those books and by the way I like your looks Chorus Break down. Kitty in a minefield doesn't set them off Kitty in a minefield not heavy enough Too cute to live too dumb to die Too much in love to let it lie Continental drift one more crowded elevator Not another chemical attack from braindead matrons Shut the door please shut the door And flipper says "hi", yeah flipper says "bye-bye" Chorus Shirley Maclaine in a minefield Betty Davis in a minefield Audrey Hepburn in a minefield Francis Farmer in a minefield