At 2 a.m., after two hours, I sign off
And no one has come scrape the dead porcupine
Off the road by your house
Where you just kicked me out
'Cause I flat out can't kiss you with food in my mouth
I flipped my lid for the dead pilot starter
Had breadsticks for breakfast so now I have heartburn
I figured I'd find her
'Cause nothings much finer
Than you in your apron and me and my sideburns
So I'm waiting for you to come in and pretend
You just could not wait up for me despite your intent to
I thought you were leaving
It's hard to interpret
'Cause the longer you sit there, the prettier the girls get
And all that you need is a kitchen to pine in
A photo to take and a folder to file it in
And now I'm the static
While you try to dial in
It says there's a wait if you're planning on dining in
But now imagine my face
When the soda exploded
Which, by the way, you were the first one to notice
You said my life's a sitcom, and this is a spin-off
In its pilot season, and I just got botox
And you're the shift switcher
I don't want no talk of it
I don't live off the land, I just live on top of it
It's hard but it's certain
It's quick and it's sorted
Commander, come over, come on, it's important
You're here then you're gone
And I caught you flipping around
It's hard when the station is on
And you are the talk of the town
I'll tell you it tears me in two
When you choose to dance in my mind like you do
But to tell you the truth
It never got too much to view