I'm just a regular everyday normal guy
Nothin' special 'bout me, motherfucker
I'm just a regular, every day, normal guy
When I go to the clubs, I wait in line, motherfucker
I'm just a regular, every day, normal guy
I got six hundred dollars in the bank, motherfucker
I'm just a regular, every day, normal guy
And my sexual performances are average
I work at customer service for a phone company
I make 12 bucks an hour, but that's all I need
I live in a small apartment on a quiet street
I don't go out too much, I like to watch TV
I can't afford a car, I use public transportation
I don't mind, I read 'til I reach my destination
Sometimes a newspaper, sometimes a book
The amount of money I save, the shit is off the hook
And I'm not very good with the women
I'm a pretty shy person, and I'm average looking
Last time I had sex was in 2003
And I am ashamed to admit, but it wasn't free
I'm just a regular, every day, normal guy
I get nervous in social situations, motherfucker
I'm just a regular, every day, normal guy
I get constipated once a month, motherfucker
I'm just a regular, every day, normal guy
And I make pretty good spaghetti sauce, motherfucker
I'm just a regular, every day, normal guy
And I get scared when I go see the dentist
I'm the Pally Shore of everyday life
Easily forgettable, and I'm not very liked
I have an "According to Jim" personality
I'm as entertaining as a fuckin' STD
If you wanna mess with me, I think you probably can
Because I am not confident, and I'm weak for a man
I'll just roll up in a ball while you kick me in the back
Yeah, honestly, I probably won't fight back
And I don't have many friends that would back me up
My friend Steve would, but he doesn't look very tough
(You want some of this bitch?)
If you rarely get laid, put your hands up
If you're not well paid, put your hands up
If you got a pet cat, put your hands up
And if you got a bad back, put your hands up
(Hurt my back couple of summers ago moving a fridge)
(And ever since then, it's just not the same, it-)
(It get-, it gets, it gets pretty sore)
I'm just a regular, every day, normal guy
My parents are really nice people, motherfucker
I'm just a regular, every day, normal guy
I'm somewhat afraid of heights, motherfucker
I'm just a regular, every day, normal guy
I like the show "Grey's Anatomy", motherfucker
I'm just a regular, every day, normal guy
And I'm pretty good at making paper planes