Oh, to have a pristine claw These hands are old and sore The knuckles, they ache The bones they do break Oh, to have a youthful frown Bleed on the surgeon's gown Put plastic in me I'm perfect you see Don't look older than 43 But really I'm 70 Now run young man And get my pills from the pharmacy Rearrange my face for a hefty fee I can't change the inside of me I'm a vampire of the 21st century Oh, to have a pristine claw Marry the doctor when I'm poor A face I can love A cut that's above If the aliens landed here They'd see why we're so weird We're destined to die We're destined to die Don't look older than 43 But really I'm 70 Now run young man And get my pills from the pharmacy Rearrange my face for a hefty fee I can't change the inside of me I'm a vampire of the 21st century That's me, that's me, that's me, that's me That's me, that's me, that's me, that's me That's me, that's me, that's me, that's me