It's almost Christmas time
And I'm all by myself
I ain't got no Christmas cheer
I ain't ringin' no jingle bells
I cut myself shaving
Left a little blood in my sink
It scared some people on the internet
But I swear it isn't what they think
I've been as good as gravy this whole year
I'd let you ask my grandma, but my grandma isn't here
All I want for Christmas is a pardon from the president
I didn't do anything wrong
But the police are asking questions, and Grandma's gone
All I want for Christmas is a pardon from the president
I've told them everything that I know
I left her at the motel and she never came home
But still the police won't leave me alone
And Nick Jr.'s never gonna give me a show
Until the president pardons me, and charges Jeff Bezos
President Trump, first and foremost
Thank you for ending the war on Christmas
You and I share a common enemy in Jeff Bezos
He ruined my Halloween party, and he probably murdered my grandma
We can take him down together
But I need you to do one thing for me
(Pardon me)
Jeff Bezos murdered Barnes and Noble
Jeff Bezos murdered Sears
(Pardon me)
Jeff Bezos probably murdered my grandma
Christmas time is almost here (pardon me)
All I want for Christmas is a pardon from the president (Jeff Bezos murdered Barnes and Noble, Jeff Bezos murdered Sears)
It's as easy as a stroke of the pen (pardon me)
(Jeff Bezos probably murdered my grandma)
(All I want for Christmas is a pardon from the president)
Christmas time is almost here!
But still the police won't leave me alone
And Nick Jr.'s never gonna give me a show
Until the president pardons me