This is a Southend healing ritual
The first cut should be the deepest right?
I broke my heart open
Knowing that time will heal
And when it does
There'll be a new depth of love revealed
But I am still shaking
With trauma concealed
There's pages of pain in a notebook sealed
It's probably not that deep, but we all have our hills
And the hardest one you've faced is just that, for real
I pray for those who hurt me
But don't want them close
They still need love and deserve support
So much I wouldn't say then
To keep them safe
But some things I must now
To ease my brain
In my last relationship we ain't have a lot of fights
But she hit me in my face any time that she liked
Not once, not twice, more like every other night
And I never raised more than my voice on the phone
We broke up and I was on alert around my home
When she sent threats, I ain't know what she could do
Cuz she liked hitting me, when intimately we were cool
She never wanted me to be the one to say we're through
To her, me breaking up with her was the abuse
And everything else was consensual violence
She said she felt used, I felt actual bruises
And now I'm on defense for some lies she said
We can't settle it so it messes with my head
And I still meet her friends who say the issue isn't dead
How do you move on when the scars are in your bed
I said I liked when she hit me, sometimes I did
But now intimacy just makes me flinch
Jaw clenched, on edge, God help me move beyond this
And God help her move beyond this
Help me be honest with all this
Raw as I can
Strong as I'm broken
I'm flawed, I am man
I have hurt, I have healed
Both, more than I can see
I know my best work isn't me
Our time on this earth isn't free
My demons and shadows can all be released
I've seen shame turn the best people into beasts
And shame digs graves like six feet deep
May we all speak the pain that's not ours to keep
History rhymes if it doesn't repeat
I have hurt, I have healed
Both, more than I can see
Every woman that I know has seen it worse than me
Everyone is in a war, most go unseen
Nayyirah Waheed said we are are sacred beings
Salt water for the pain
None of us are clean
This is for healing
It takes time
I couldn't write anything else, until I wrote this song
In fact, I've been trying to write this song for years
Love to anyone else going through it
This is a healing, for all of us