The Elephants were dancing round a Maypole and a tree The dog in front loves the dog behind Just like you and me The English pub collapses, like a pack of English cards I thought we'd have to die of thirst Instead, we'll have to starve The Maypole turns into the joystick of an aeroplane The air is thin, you're wearing specs You look like Michael Caine But your hair is longer and I'm sure Your legs aren't quite the same And that's not saying much for the rest of you