Valerie, you put me on the rack Valerie, you'll give me a heart attack You say that I'm history You say I'm no good Then you want to be like two babes in the wood That's what I wouldn't call playing to the gallery I keep waiting, waiting, waiting for Valerie Valerie, why don't you put that down? Valerie, you're gonna choke and drown If you don't give up off this junk food jag They're gonna take you home in a body bag I can't stand to see one more calorie I keep waiting, waiting, waiting for Valerie Well, I'm soft in the head, and I give her hard cash She spends all my money on junk and trash Nylon fur and plastic shoes And fifty-seven things she's never gonna use Never, never gonna use, Valerie She's got a figure like this, lips like that Red fingernails, teeth like a cat I know she's going to be the ruin of me She's got me running on nervous energy Runnin' on nervous energy Valerie, she wants to move out of town Valerie, she wants the money down Valerie, she wants leopard skin this and tiger skin that Matching luggage and a matching hat I can't afford her on my salary I keep waiting, waiting, waiting for Valerie I keep waiting, waiting, waiting for Valerie