In a café on the Champs-Élysées
I saw a girl the other day
I was beguiled 'til I saw her smile
It was a gash across her face
♪
Not long ago, she found that she was alone
So she wandered into The Vaudeville Show
She should've known it'd be bad, she saw the name that it had
The Straight Razor Cabaret
The first act was a stripper
And the host looked like Jack the Ripper
But the audience was dreary
So he slashed them smiles from ear to ear
He used a straight razor 'cause he's a face-raper
And there's nothing he hates more than a stick in the mud
If he tells a joke, you'd better laugh until you choke
At the Straight Razor Cabaret
♪
When I went down to Camden Town
I saw a man reading the Bible
I won't in haste describe his face
For I might be sued for libel
Not long ago, he found that he was alone
So he wandered into The Vaudeville Show
He should've known he'd be maimed when he discovered the name
The Straight Razor Cabaret
While a strumpet stroked a donkey
The host juggled five dead monkeys
But the audience was snobs
So he took a knife right to their gobs
He used a straight razor 'cause he's a face-raper
And there's nothing he hates more than a stick in the mud
If he does a trick, you'd better laugh until you're sick
At the Straight Razor Cabaret
La-la, la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la, la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
♪
They call him straight razor 'cause he's a face-raper
And there's nothing he hates more than a stick in the mud
If he pulls a gaffe, you'd better bloody up and laugh
At the Straight Razor Cabaret
At the Straight Razor Cabaret
At the Straight Razor Caba-
La-la, la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la, la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Everybody
La-la, la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la, la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la, la-la-la-la-la, la-la-la
At the Straight Razor Cabaret