How do you make friends when you're out of college When empty rooms are now your status quo? You can smash and grab like DB Cooper DB Cooper, Jimmy, Al Capone And you can watch old movies on your Xbox And you can text your parents when they're home But I don't want my girlfriend's friends to call my phone I think I'll die alone You can drink Sapporo till you're shitfaced You can drunk-text exes on and on Don't worry guys, I'm sure it's just a rough patch A rough patch that might last until I'm gone And I can watch Jeff Winger on my TV (Yes you've tried it) And I've applied to jobs, yes, every one (No one's hiring) But I don't want my girlfriend's friends to call my phone I think I'll die alone And you can go and wander down on Sunset None of it will help you find a home But I don't want my girlfriend's friends to call my phone I think I'll die alone I think I'll die alone