I hate the city of Chicago Man, this place feels like nowhere And the traffic makes getting nowhere take that much longer I hate the Cubs, the Sox, the Blackhawks and the Bulls I couldn't give a shit about the Pumpkins, Slint or Wilco Learn to make a pizza you fucking jack-offs Say hello back when someone says hello, you asshole I hate O'Hare, I hate Midway, I can't stand Chicago Oh, the best part is leaving 'Cause maybe one day I'll never come back again And If I die in this shithole Float my corpse down the Calumet 'Cause I'd rather rot in Gary Miller Beach may actually be paradise (Alright, Christ, you caught me This is actually just another divorce song) Maybe it's not all of Cook County's fault But it feels like another dogshit day in Suck City Jesus Christ, could you assholes at least learn how to drive? Yeah, fuck XRT and fuck Lollapalooza You and all of your self-righteous hipster 'hoods can go to hell I especially hate Bridgeport 'cause that's where she lives For every reason that she loves it, I can't stand Chicago Oh, when I head north on Lake Shore Drive I fly and I close my eyes And I reach the magic point And I run for magic miles Yeah, when I head north on Lake Shore Drive I fly and I close my eyes And I reach the magic point And I run for magic miles Lake Michigan becomes an ocean and I know Somewhere beyond it is waiting, just for me No matter how high you dickheads build it You'll only ever be in Illinois And that'll always be way too close to Missouri