Oh, Gareth, I try so hard to please her
I invade a kingdom for a jewel, I respect her vow of chastity
And yet every day, I have to hear it over and over again
"Galavant, Galavant"
"Blah, blah, blah, blah, Galavant"
I want her, need her, crave her, yes, it's true
But she is not the only thing I desperately want to do
I want to shoot him with a crossbow
I want to stab him in the eye
I want to liberate his head from his neck
And then punt the bloody wreck sky-high
I want to hurl him out a window
And shove explosives where the sun don't shine
Want to skewer him with swords and slowly twist them
All around his reproductive system
Won't that be divine?
Then she'll be mine
(Everybody, sing!)
(And, then you'll do it every evening) sweet God, at last!
(In every room on every floor) 'til I can't do it anymore
(And got no Galavant distracting your bride) we could start a genocidal war
(Everybody gonna- wait, what?) I'll get back to all my hobbies
Like raising taxes and tormenting the poor (bless those poor)
No more, "Galavant is just complete perfection"
"Gal would never lose his . . . temper!"
Won't that be divine?
And she'll be mine (la-la-la-la)
Just mine, all mine (la-la-la-la)
Mine, all mine, all mine
Pueh, that was ripping