I gotta get a girlfriend I gotta get a girlfriend I gotta get new clothes So I can get a girlfriend I gotta start clippin' my toes So I can get a girlfriend Stop pickin' my nose So I can get a girlfriend Stop wearin' pantyhose So I can get a girlfriend Girlfriend I'm even willin' to pay Some girl to say that she's my girlfriend 'Cause all my friends think I'm gay 'Cause I never have a girlfriend I'd buy flowers every day For my girlfriend I wouldn't be like O.J. And kill my girlfriend Girlfriend I just changed the key So I can get a girlfriend Start havin' sex for free With my girlfriend She can even have VD And still be my girlfriend It might hurt when I pee But at least I'd have a girlfriend Girlfriend We could sit around and do crazy shit together like I could pull her ears out and say, "Hey, look everybody, it's Dumbo!" She'd be all like, "Who the fuck are you and how'd you get into my house?" All right! How low do I have to sink To get me a girlfriend I could put something in her drink And she could be my girlfriend But then they'd put me in the clink And I'd be someone else's girlfriend Girlfriend Girlfriend