It's 8 o'clock in the morning
I've been up all night just in my feelings
I realize it's a lot of shit that I never really told nobody
(Adelso on this)
At all
I done got up in my bag that's for shit sure
How I got money and I still feel broke?
Ever since my life changed, spirit been low
I ain't got no place for real to call home
I was just down out on my luck
Got a girlfriend thought it'd make me feel better
And it did but
You can't replace the ones that you love
That don't make you heal better
But I swear that I love her
Anything she ever needs she knows she can call me
Gave her my word that she'd be mine so I'm just one call away
And I know that she love me
So for her I'd go to war with no army
But I barely got heartbeat left
I just wanna talk about my feelings (yeah)
I'm make music, only place I can talk 'bout my feelings
Otherwise I ain't tryna talk 'bout my feelings
Say they love me, but they never gon get it
They ain't ever wanna take no chances on me and I know it's my fault
I just let everybody down all the time, yeah I know it's my fault
Hate myself sometimes
Like when the clock hit 4AM and I lay my head down
But I can't sleep for nothing, nah nah
My head just be spinning 'round
Told the ones I love that I could achieve anything
I wanna make 'em proud
Make it out of my hometown, my hometown
Got a lot of people that I call friends
But I just don't know who really my friend
Say they love me most of the time they pretend
They not gon be here for me in the end
Only got two people that I ever met that I trusted with my life really
Life goes on, time changes everything
Now it's only one left with me
I put a smile on my face
Act like that shit don't hurt me every day
You not a season you wasn't supposed to just change
Made me grow up, I know people change now
And I miss playing on the playground with my little brother
We would stay out
That was back when times were simpler
That was way before I got my feelings hurt
That was way before they ever did me dirt
Fuck it I'mma talk particulars
Let me tell you about my ex best friend
How she did me the worst
I done grown up with somebody
Fell in love with somebody
Made promises with somebody
Spent five years with somebody
Same time, same time
I was going up on my grind
Used to wanna be a athlete
Threw it all away for the rapping
Only started rapping I was 13
Threw my scholarships away at 16
Right there, whole family disappointed
And my momma wished she never had me
2021 was coming to a end, I was locked in
I had just turned 18
Numbers finally going up, said I got it
Was finally about to hear my momma tell me that she proud
Was 'bout to tell her that her oldest son made it out
Had to work at Pizza Hut since September
I could finally get up out of there
Don't lose track of everything I said
Remember this about my ex best friend
Really she my ex girlfriend too
New Year's came around, we had drunk sex
Everything was going smooth, the best
At the time I ain't know that was just my end
Remember that while I get back into it
Let me tell you all about the music
I had just hit my first 100K on a song on Spotify
Speaking of 100K's, I was doing 100K Tiktoks every night
Everything was going up, everything was looking up, fans loved me
But I didn't know the one I loved most no longer really loved me
Shorty stuck it out through January
Then come the first week of February
I went to LA for the first time
I done really got my shine right
Left my trip early, came back home, I was missing my baby
Seen her one time, maybe two times, then the shit turned crazy
Woke up one day
Got a text, said she wanna talk to me
Told her she could come through to my place
Shorty pulled up with a frown on her face
I said "Is everything okay?"
She told me that "Nah this shit ain't okay"
I'm like "Ok what you tryna say?"
Then she told me that she want a break
"Break for me?"
"Break for me, shorty are you dumb?"
"We just had our 5 year anniversary, said that you in love"
"What about that?"
Tears coming down both our face now
The world can take anything from me, just don't take my bae now please
The world ain't answer my prayers
Hit her phone up a couple days later, the person I knew wasn't there
She already started changing
She done turned so cold
Then I broke down on the ground screaming "Why the world so cold?"
I said "Can the break be over now? I miss you"
"Promise bae that I love you, never meant to make you feel misused"
She finally wrote me back
Said that she busy or whatever
But we not getting back together
She said that she moving on for the better
Sick as fuck, sick as fuck
I was just way too young to go through that shit
Took me eight weeks to eat some fucking food
Swear to God that shit was so tragic
I wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping
Traumatized me, you wouldn't understand it
That's unless you was me and you went through the same shit
Felt so alone like no one went through the same shit as me
I was on her line, "Sophia please"
Crying every morning, afternoon and night
And I couldn't even fucking breathe
So I got to a point, didn't give a fuck about life
Swear I wanted to just die
Almost did it to myself twice
Now you know for the first time, first time
Tell me how you go from loving somebody
To tryna act like they just nobody
When you used to put them over everybody
That shit changed my whole view of the world
This shit go way deeper than girls
My heart thought that I had her loyalty
Gave her all the power to just foil me
I was that nigga for a minute for real
Got the numbers up, we was talking in the mills
Got the numbers up, almost had a career
Then she did me dirt, she said fuck that play
We can skip three months, it ain't much to say
Now we talking 'bout the end of May
Still wishing for some better days
Wasn't no better days
That was hell for me
Couldn't elevate
I remembered my fans, but they was all gone now
Surely
Ain't give a fuck, I still tried to reach out
Hurting
Had to remember what mattered in detail
I can't end my life about a female
Tried to make the comeback, said I mean well, yeah
To the fans that stayed, who believe in me
That's the realest shit I ever seen
To the kid that got a tattoo of my name, you done made a better me
Summer '22 I got verified, almost signed a deal
But the label past on me, so I gassed on 'em
I ain't gon collect no bad karma
Most of the time I feel like the man
Tonight I remember that I ain't shit really
My head still fucked up
And I ain't do all the shit they think I did really
My ex tried to knock me down
She almost did it, I admit it
Took a while but I punched through it, sidestepping
So one day I'll say that I did it, yeah
I ain't gon lie
What got me in my feelings tonight was the realization that
I'm not as bright of a person as I used to be before all this shit
You know?
Feel like I lost all my innocence in a way
I really had to grow up, just, just to stay alive
But I never meant to turn my back on anyone
If I did, I'm sorry
This one was for my fans
To the realest, from the realest