So I have this friend, eh, he has a phone that can IM
He can instant message and so now I really want him to die
Because I'm sick of gettin' this fucking messages from him
On his phone, "I'm in a shoe store", that's the whole message
We're not secret agents, I don't need to know where you are
So I get this message from him, he says, "I'm on an airplane in Seattle"
So I wrote back, and I said, "Well, I hope your plane crashes"
And he gets pissed off, and he calls me, "Take it back, we're about to take off"
And I'm like, "Fuck you, I hope it crashes, I don't have to take it back
Hope it crashes twice, hope it crashes and kills half of y'all niggas
Fuck it, it will take off and crash again, I hope that happens, sincerely, I hope it"
And he said to me, he goes, "Well, how are you going to feel now
If my plane crashes after you went and said that?"
Like, "Are you shittin' me? That would be amazing! To know that I can do that?
I'd happily trade your life for knowledge of my powers"
He's one of those guys that just make you hate him because eh
You know when you have a friend that you hate
You can't break up with your friends, you know
He always starts conversations that I don't want to have you know
It's like, "Hey, what would you do if you had a time machine?"
Like, "Fuck you, I don't
You know what? I wouldn't use it, I'd just let it sit in my house
I'd put a drink on it, yeah, it's a time machine
I know you wanted it, I dunno, not interested
I'd use it to go back at 30 minutes to punch you in the fucking face
Before you ask me that, that's all, one use"
So he goes, "Well, here's what I'll do" 'cause of course
That's the whole fucking point of asking me, it's to stare at me while I say mine
And then say his
So he said if he had a time machine
He woulda killed Hitler, like he would go back and kill Hitler
I love that he thinks that he could just kill Hitler
Just 'cause he goes back there and walk up and kill the dude
And I was thinking that's a noble purpose for a time machine, I would do that
But I would have gone back then, but I wouldn't have killed him
I would have raped him
That's what I thought, because, I think that would have been enough
I think that'd have stopped him from doing all that shit
If he had been raped by me, he'd never be able to pull any of that stuff, mayne
"Should we invade Poland?"
"Nah, I'll just take a shower, I don't feel good"
Low self-esteem, you know
Not condoning rape, obviously
You should never, eh, rape anyone, um, unless you have a reason
Like you wanna fuck someone and they won't let you
In which case, eh, what other options do you have?
How else will you supposed to have orgasm in their body
If you don't rape 'em, like what the fuck?
Okay, that's fucked up