Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen, Brian Regan!: Cheering:
Brian: Alright, How ya doin' folks?: Feedback:
It's like you're al sittin' there, "Hey pal, you got some jokes?": Laughing:
"Why don't you start crankin' 'em out, circus boy?: Laughing:
It's good to be here.
Just tryin' to go through life without looking stupid...: Laughing:
It's not workin' out too well...: Laughing:
Sometimes you'll say the wrong thing at the right time and feel stupid.
Somethin' like, "You tow!": Laughing:
I was gettin' out of a cab at the airport and the ddriver goes, "Hey have a nice flight!"
"You tow!": Laughing:
"You too, you have a nice flight too, in case you ever fly someday.": Laughing:
"Don't even look at me, I'm a moron.": Laughing:
Don't know when to say the "You too" phrase.: Laughing:
Can't handle it.: Laughing:
I never learn, you know. A waitress will bring my meal. "Hey, enjoy your meal."
"You tow!": Laughing:
"But you don't have one, do ya? I'm a dufus!": Laughing:
"If you do eat, enjoy it when you eat it if you have a break or something, later!": Laughing:
"If you get an opportunity, that's all I'm tryin' to say!": Laughing:
"That's all that I'm drivin' at, really! If you think about it...": laughing:
"...That's all.": Laugihng:
You ever start to say somethin' and in the middle of what you're sayin' you decide to say somethin' else, completely?: Laughing:
You know, there's already words out there.: Laughing:
These friends were leaving the other day and I started to say, "Hey, take care!" And I decided to say "Good luck!" Instead like halfway through, you know.: Laughing:
So it came out neither, "See you later, Brian!"
"Take... luck!": Laughing:
"Take luck and care... take... care of the luck. Good luck take care of the... the luck that you might have.": Laughing:
"If you have luck, take it, care for it. Take luck care of it... when you take luck care of...": Brian shouting gibberish:: Laughing:
Be sure you're seein' them again...: Laughing:
"So how do you know that guy back ther, huh?": Laughing:
I'm always puttin' my foot in my mouth.
I don't stop to think, you know, "Oh no, words are coming out! Oh no!": Laughing:
"I'm not thinkin' of what I said!": Laughing:
Like I met this woman recently, I could've sworn she was pregnant. Let me tell ya.: Crowd "Aw"s:
I know now...: Laughing:
I think the rule is, "Don't guess at that, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever...": Laughing:
Somethin' like that. When you have enough "evers" memorized, you know?
So I say, "Hey, when's that BA-by due?!"
You ever feel a word coming out but it's to late to stop it?: Laughing:
It's... it's comin' out and loud, "Oh hey when's that BA-by due?! BABY?!": Laughing:
"What baby?": Weird Authentic Brian Regan Sounds:: Laughing:
"At the zoo! That... the pandas!": Laughing:
"The neigbors are tryin' to have one, you know. Thought we'd talk about. Talk about the... fluffy zoo animals. I hear they get them over there, you can... you know, look at 'em...": Laughing:
"If you want... touch 'em...": Laughing:
Have you ever guessed somebody's gender wrong? 'Cause no recoverin' from that!": Laughing:
You just gotta move on 'cause you aint wrigglin' outta nothin', ya know?: Laughing:
"Hey uh, excuse me sir?"
"Ma'am!"
"Ok!": Laughing:
"Ok, bye! Bye human!": Laughing:
"Bye, person!
Nice to mmet you, individual!": Laughing:
I can't remeber names...
And I'm always tryin' to do the nickname thing to get out of it, everybody knows what you're tryin' to pull, you know?
"Hey... Buckaroo?...": Laughing:
"My name's not Buckaroo."
"Sure, sure it is, Pardner?...": Laughing:
Some people get really upset if you get their names wrong,
Especially is they have a name that's similar to another name.
Carolin and Caroline.
They got a thing about that, man.
Don't get that wrong, 'cause they're gonna drill ya!: Laughing:
"Hey Carol... in?"
"It's CaroLINE. It's CaroLINE Brian...": Laughing:
"It's BriON!": Laughing:
"Yes, my name is BRION! It's very hard to say my name correctly!": Laughing:
"Cause my name is BRIONNGA!": Laughing:
Can you say that? Very few can...
Correctly.: Laughing:
END