I threw tantrums
You threw bottle caps
From the top of the fariswheel
When the creek said,
"Laugh till your sides split."
We didn't wonder
If we'd grow up to be happy
We buried time capsules
In the dirt beside my house
And dug them up a day later
So much time had passed
We had been cowboys, bankrobbers,
And the Jackson Five
Jeffrey Bartley had kissed a girl on the mouth
And said he saw fireworks
Just like the movies said we all would
Some things come true
God for example
But the day you peed your pants
In the middle of the spelling bee
I had been standing beside you
Chewing on my ponytail
With the angst of a trucker
Stuck in a bunny suit
When the puddle hit the floor
I pulled the ponytail from my teeth
And started crying for the both of us
On the playground
I wanted to tell you
Your hoolahoop could be
The jolly green giant's halo
But you were wearing
Pants from the lost and found box
So I said,
"You hoolahoop like Elvis, he's a king, ya know?"
That year we found four dead puppies
In a plastic bag beneath
The crab apple tree
At the end of the road
I knew immediately
Puppies are expensive to raise
Children are too
There were months
When the radiator of your ribcage
Wouldn't keep your heart warm
Even though your father
Kept pounding on it
With the back end of a broomstick
You could go the entire week
Without speaking a word
I knew that silence kept your spine
From becoming their wishbone
So for you
I let my hair down
To cover my eyes from scenes in your movie
Rescue kept clicking past
And I would laugh at my own jokes
Till you told me they weren't funny
But I was funny to look at
I wore tiny pieces of tin foil
Around my crooked teeth
Stuffed plastic smurfs in my underwear
To build a penis that wasn't there
And I was constantly pretending to swear
"Holy ship!" I'd say
"Can you believe that mothersucker?" I'd say
Pointing at Tommy McMan's
Newborn brother breastfeeding in his mother's lap
You could never understand ship like that
Public nudity on the little league bleachers
When so many folks
Were trying to hide closets in their skeletons
So their funnybone could outdress
That man in the moon
On those nights
You wore lights like a costume
Like that plastic sheriff's badge
On the floor of your bedroom
You couldn't stop staring at
But God be my witness when I say,
You were humming miracles
Into your harmonica wrists
That day we climbed the rusted fence
And pressed our hands in the wet cement
To prove we were permanent
Like the dye in our mother's hair
Meaning we are definitely here
But we can grow out
We can run away with the carnival
And build a tilt-a-whorl
With our own grace
Your face never looked so fun house mirror
As it did the day
You finally found a way to escape
You terrible speller
You busted compass
My heart is still a letter jacket
I am waiting to give to someone sweet
I still stuff things in my underwear
But I never pretend to swear
We don't know shit
About walking a mile
In somebody else's shoes
Till we know almost everything
About our own bare feet
My feet have always been
About as cold as this creek can get
But when my fear reaches the ocean
Man, it turns to salt
And maybe its nobody's fault, that God
Only held so many shells to his ear
So I slap my heart against the doc
And grab my own windpipe
To beat the truth from my throat
I tear the wallpaper from my skin
And I search the oak for its knots
I throw these rocks at my tantrums
And I listen
For where the windows are
Can you hear that, friend?
Can you hear the breaking?
It is the holiest part