I was holding my heart in the palms of my nervous hand
My heart had 200 broken windows, glass covering the floor
And amazing light in almost every room
My heart was beating like a pillow fight.
Feathers were flying everywhere
I couldn't stop crying for all those birds
I could not stop crying
I planted my heart in the raised bed in your bedroom
Pansies bloomed all night
You called me "pretty" and I didn't flinch, I knew I could still be your boyfriend
And tell you my grandmother sowed my prom dress, stitch by stitch, with her own hands
The finest suit couldn't have made me more proud
Our hearts beat so loud the neighbours think we're fucking
When I'm just trying to find the nerve to touch your face
You don't ask God how long this will last
I don't care about any of the words on the map besides
You are here
You are here listening to me tell you I've been stung by a bee only twice in my life
Both times I was sung in the mouth
I still carry the stingers under my tongue
So I never forget where honey comes from
Sweet Sweet Siren
I imagine you ruining farm boys in the beds of their daddies trucks
I want to take you to church and show you what I can do to your confession booth on a saturday night
And you already know how many love poems I have written to a woman who was not you
And you already know that every word is true
There is still a tandem bicycle in my garage I know I will never have the heart to ride or sell
So I know you know I am not wondering why you kept your married name
I am here watching you do your laundry
And I want to match your socks just so you can put them on and I can take them off
Take everything off
Yes, I have a history of fainting
No, I wasn't lying when I told you I am going to be more difficult than anyone you've ever dated
It has been years since my life was a picnic
Where I wasn't freaking out about the possible gluten allergies of the pigeons being fed bread in the park
But you will always feel safe in knowing I will never make a piñata of your heart
You will never have to lose yourself to win me over
Tell me you're a liar
I will say I already know you are a master yogi when it comes to stretching the truth
But ill be willing to bet that we both have a history of downward dog
And sometimes you've got to bend to keep seeing god
Isn't always clean as a whistle
But that train is something I can worship if only because it keeps showing up
I am at your station saying If i were a painter I would paint every billboard in this city bright white
Buy a projector and take you to a new drive in movie every single night
If I were an oven mitt I would say never touch anything hot
Without me
Obviously
I am going to do stupid things
I once sold my saxophone to help pay for college
I once smashed a violin to bits on our second date
When I said "So your vagina it's really rad that babies have come out of it"
What I meant to say was "Holy shit. You've given birth and I can't imagine anything sexier than a woman checking her children's homework."
For the record, You are getting straight A's in chemistry class
For the record, I am flunking math
It has been too few days to add up to me saying
Yes, I am going to permanently fuck up your lip stick
Yes, I am going to throw tantrums through your tidy heart
Yes, I am going to fall apart at your mother's dinner table
Over green beans and lentils and somebody's sensible doubt
Yes, I am gonna run you a bath
That is to say I am gonna run into the rain
Over and over, with an empty glass,
'Till you are soaking in the certainty
That nothing falls in vain
Wherever we land, there will always be this day
Where I turn off the song of my sadness, and your shame,
Where I stop asking what all the crying has been about
All I know is my name could rust entirely away
In your perfect mouth