Oh, do I deserve the pain
Poison in my veins
I'm looking for change
They will know my name
Oh, do I deserve the pain
Poison in my veins
Im looking for change
They will know my name
Yeah, I been looking for something inside of myself
To help me get my feet up off of the ground
I'm searching for purpose and nothings around
I'm fighting my demons they're pulling me down
Yeah, yeah they're pulling me down
Dragging me deeper I think I'ma drown
Deep under waves of the pressure by knowing they let you be someone thats special but now
I don't feel like I even deserve it
So I'm pushing myself as a person
Cuz something inside my brain is telling me if I ain't perfect I'm worthless
Why am I worthless
Yes why am I worthless
A matter of fact, I don't feel nothing at all
So I put the cigarette onto my arm and get lost in the burning
Yeah, so burn me again
Burn me again and I'll tie up my noose
Then hang all my doubts, I'm airing them out
I'm getting on meds and I'm letting them loose
Like all of the screws inside of my head
They tell me I'm different and different is bad
I tried to be normal to make you impressed but can't my normal is different than you
Oh, do I deserve the pain
Poison in my veins
I'm looking for change
They will know my name
Oh, do I deserve the pain
Poison in my veins
Im looking for change
They will know my name
Why am I crazy and why am I stressed
Why do I feel like my life is a mess
Why do I feel like the people I love think its never enough when I give them my best
Yeah, doctor will say I'm depressed
Family will tell me to rest
Anxiety tells me to work, replacing my heart with a pain in my chest
And it keeps on beating like a drum, hands go numb and my legs can't run
Away from myself but I wish I was, I hate my thoughts but that hate I love
Yeah, I love hate cuz it means I'm safe
And I don't gotta worry what my friends will say
No I don't gotta worry that I'll let you down if I don't let you in to my mental state
But this game I play can get dangerous
So I isolate in my pages
Then my mom will ask me how I'm doing lately and I'll lie and say I feel greatness
Cuz I don't wanna ever stress her out
Your little soldiers getting bigger now
I gotta fight a war, and thats for sure
But I don't know if I can make it out
Oh, do I deserve the pain
Poison in my veins
I'm looking for change
They will know my name
Oh, do I deserve the pain
Poison in my veins
Im looking for change
They will know my name
Long roads getting lonely now
Thoughts moving quick can I slow them down
I turn a small thing into a big thing then push away the people who would hold me down
Life's a bitch man its so profound
Tried to quit and tie the rope around every doubt I had
But they keep coming back I think its time to leave and wear the holy crown
Like, look guys I'm an angel now
Got a halo now you can't hate me now
I been broken once, you can't break me down
My thoughts getting so deep 'til it makes me drown
Into the liquor that I'm sipping when my brain is loud
Screaming at me 'til I listen and the pain surrounds
I hate my sound, my life's getting dangerous now
Theres chains around my thoughts but I'm breaking out so let me know
This what I had to do
Same sound that I had but the attitude
Started switching every track when I rap the truth
Same road different map but I'm passing through
I'm asking you if I was the only one who kept a loaded gun thats full of hate and lies
Underneath my pillow when I close my eyes then I pray to god that he could make it right
But he don't
I'm looking for change
They will know my name