Sometimes I like to sit in my car without even driving
Reassured that I could go somewhere - if I decided
But the sword's always double-edged medal always double sided
Wave of melancholy washing over me I might just ride it
'Cause in the end it's all self induced
Fear the future when I count the many times I've held my health abused
Lots of partying and bullshit - how I try to keep myself amused
Trying to paint a perfect picture gotta find myself a muse
Known some that gave me room to stay few that gave me shelter
Just a stream trying to find a river headed to a delta
Gotta get my heart fixed need a welder
She smiled at me I dmed her and that's where the story ended
But no problem I'll prolly have five more crushes 'til December
Stemming from the worst wounds are the best things to remember
I always say I try but I never do
Tired of living in disguise I ain't ever true
Took the limping out my stride
Put a limit on my pride
Went and swallowed it and found it to be edible
My to do list says to find what I'm meant to do
Had an offer made by life that I can't refuse
Built a clock I made some time
Stopped the bombings in my mind
All my thoughts disarmed but I kept the fuse
Pressed play on life years later barely been through the intro
Dropped in a maze robbed of the slightest info
Wonder what I'm in for -huh
Always dreaded Sundays more than a Monday
Found the end of freedom to be worse than the start of the mundane
But light is best when the sun fades
Had to change my mindset for something that'll pay better
Change of climate hit me hard like may weather
Come spring and summer that's seasoning to my years
Vote emotional motions reasoning with my tears
Met some bad apples the reason I miss my peers
Never something bad happened the reason I drink my beers
Lack of confidence often is the reason I ain't heard
Lot of thoughts but always end up saying the same words
I always say I try but I never do
Tired of living in disguise I ain't ever true
Took the limping out my stride
Put a limit on my pride
Went and swallowed it and found it to be edible
My to do list says to find what I'm meant to do
Had an offer made by life that I can't refuse
Built a clock I made some time
Stopped the bombings in my mind
All my thoughts disarmed but I kept the fuse
"And that's when I ask
Am I really being sad or is it just the alcohol coming down?
And if it's not that, what am I coming down from? It's not like I've ever really been high. Well except last night but you know what I mean like what do I have to be sad for?"