Feared I had nothing to say
So i stayed silent
Anxiety rose from its slumber
Chose straight violence
A chorus of doubts
Cause my brain to go numb
Self esteem - none
Responsibilities -run
Being cocky- fun
Getting nothing - done
Voices ring through me - like a mantra
Thoughts in my head - throwing tantrums
Anxiety switch on and off - going random
Voices ring through me - I don't understand them
Tried to drown them out with drinks and met a rapid demise
Drunk me got the same old doubts just with a happy disguise
Could be the happiest guy if it wasn't for the way my minds wired
Wits been asleep for a while but somehow my mind's tired
Tried to change my minds tires but I'm tired of change
And keeping up with trends is more work - than simply being quiet and lame
"I can't say I really care what becomes of my ego
I'm done with that. I'm thinking of my doubts
Which all this fickle flexing has rather exposed."
Feel like I gotta give up being smart just to be cool
Give up being objective to be right
Give up being respected to be nice
Give up being myself to be liked
Ain't this teen life a delight?
Shots of dopamine when the screen lights
Give the whole weight of your soul to the gram and in return
Get habits of panic and manic craving for strangers' validation engraved in your brain
Screen burn
Can't tell a home from a telephone
Tell a phone from a shrink
Can't take the wrinkles out my soul with irons I no longer meddle with
Fail to fix the feud with my fears I just can't settle it
Seem to only have myself in order when they make a mess out of me
Why do I need the worst of my days to be the best I can be
This can't be the way I go out 'cos for sure I won't be resting in peace
Self esteem dressed and impeached
Deposed by my woes for fear's presidency
Looking for a sense of pride I could hoist in decorum
Want to quiet down the choir what if I am just voice in the chorus
Eyes of conscience blinded shit got no more to utter, son
Found it in my spirit that I lost my mind closed the shutters son
The void ain't got a barrier that I won't leap over
The conductor cut a leaf off my four leaf clover