I've had my pet Since i was nine years old I loved him and fed him But one day he attacked I knew he didn't love me back So i grabbed him like a football And punted fifty yards Now i hate pets Take yourself to the vet Now i hate pets Dolphins trapped in little nets Now i hate pets You little fucking Screaming shit-bag I should of let your mother Eat you, little fucker So i got a little birdy And i trained it everyday He knew 1000 words But then he flew away But then i got him back The fucker wouldn't shut his trap So i took him to the bathroom And rubbed his beak in shit Now i hate pets Spotted owls in their nests Now i hate pets Bagged a deer and made a vest Now i hate pets Birds and bees and bears and bison Pigs and parrots and pandas I fucking hate them all! I was walking through the park When a snake peered from his hole A perfect opportunity To take the bastard home I chopped his fucking head off With my handy garden hoe And made a lovely hat-band For my redneck cousin bo, heee-haaw! Now i hate pets 10, 000 volts to the chest Now i hate pets Fed my cat some cigarettes Now i hate pets You little fucking Screaming shit-bag Bastard Fuck you, you Fucking pig-shit licker, fuck!