My dear old darling friend
It's Christmas time again
And dammit, I did not get you a present
But you got one for me
And knowing you it will be
Something that you know I've always wanted
It's not because I do not love you (love you)
It's not because I'm always broke (you're always broke)
I'm worried that you won't believe me when I tell you
It was out of my control
I got attacked tonight
By these little Gremlins
I was fighting for my life
There were so many of them
There was nothing I could do
And that's why there's no gift for you
At first hanging out was cool
There were good at shooting pool
But then they started messing with my psyche
Laughed at pictures from my tweens
Xeroxed my diary
And convinced me that nobody liked me
They had me curled into a ball
As they smashed beer bottles on the wall
They started out so cute
How was I to know they turn
Into little raging assholes?
I got attacked tonight
By these little Gremlins
I was fighting for my life
There were so many of them
There was nothing I could do
And that's why there's no gift for you
Christmas used to be so happy
Overeating, sneaking alcohol from relatives
Who are getting back at your parents
For all the times they tortured them as kids
BELLS!!!
The night was winding down
They'd completely wrecked the town
There was nothing that was not on fire
But this madness couldn't last
So I threw them in the bath
Turned it on and tossed in my hairdryer
They started melting like a candle
It was like the ending of "The Fly" (God, why??)
And if anybody asked you
Don't tell them I was here
Especially not the Chinese guy
I got attacked tonight
By these little Gremlins
I was fighting for my life
There were so many of them
There was nothing I could do
And that's why there's no gift for you
I got attacked tonight
By these little Gremlins
I was fighting for my life
There were so many of them
I got attacked tonight
By these little Gremlins
I was fighting for my life
There were so many of them
There was nothing I could do
And that's why there's no gift for you